You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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