I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
