some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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