just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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