remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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