Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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