it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
