And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
