At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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