Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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