dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
