SEEEEXXX PLEASE
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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