then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
