in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
