Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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