you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
