So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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