I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
