Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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