I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
