dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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