I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
