She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
