So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
