umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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