I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Randomize
