Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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