She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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