plz talk dirty to me
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
