My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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