I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
false alarm. still invincible.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
