Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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