i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
