i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Randomize
