Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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