Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
