Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I FOUND THE LEGS
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize