The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
should my penis look like a turkey
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
