the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
