she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
