Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
