yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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