dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
