You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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