All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
