you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
