Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
