Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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