So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
