This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
