She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
