I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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