i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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