I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
