hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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