mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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