He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Randomize
