That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
