im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
