I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
