I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
