Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Randomize
