remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
