My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
