You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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