Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
