i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
