hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize