Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I have fence marks all over my body
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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