Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
