my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
we made out on top of his cat.
is wine microwaveable?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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