i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
