Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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