He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
